Common narcissistic abuse tactics (Part6)

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Narcissistic abuse involves a predictable set of manipulation tactics designed to control, confuse, and erode your sense of reality. Here's a comprehensive list of the most common ones, drawn from established psychological patterns.

Core Manipulation Tactics

  • Gaslighting: Denying your reality to make you doubt your memory or sanity ("That never happened," "You're imagining things," "You're too sensitive").talkspace+2

  • Love Bombing: Overwhelming you with affection, gifts, and promises early on to create dependency, then withdrawing it.taylorcounselinggroup+1

  • DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim/Offender): Denying their actions, attacking you, then positioning themselves as the victim ("I didn't do that—you're abusing me").choosingtherapy+1

  • Projection: Accusing you of their own flaws or behaviors ("You're the cheater," "You're so selfish").[reddit]​

  • Triangulation: Pitting you against others or bringing in third parties to create jealousy, competition, or validation ("My ex never complained like you").taylorcounselinggroup+1

  • Silent Treatment: Withdrawing communication to punish, control, or make you chase them.[talkspace]​

  • Hoovering: Sucking you back in after discard with apologies, promises, or crises ("I can't live without you").[taylorcounselinggroup]​

  • Smear Campaigns: Spreading rumors or lies to isolate you and damage your reputation.choosingtherapy+1

Control and Isolation Tactics

  • Coercive Control: Monitoring your time, money, phone, or movements; dictating your choices.[talkspace]​

  • Financial Abuse: Controlling finances, sabotaging your job, or creating dependency.[talkspace]​

  • Isolation: Criticizing or creating drama with your friends/family to shrink your support network.[choosingtherapy]​

  • Guilt Tripping: Making you feel responsible for their emotions or unhappiness ("If you loved me, you'd do this").[choosingtherapy]​

Diversion and Deflection Tactics

TacticDescriptionExample Phrase
Blame-ShiftingRedirecting fault to you"You made me yell" [charliehealth]​
Word SaladCircular, confusing arguments to exhaust youNonsensical rambling until you give up [reddit]​
Moving GoalpostsChanging expectations after you meet them"Now you need to do X too" [reddit]​
BaitingProvoking you then acting innocent"Can't you take a joke?" [reddit]​
Playing the VictimExaggerating their suffering to gain sympathy"No one understands my pain like you should" [taylorcounselinggroup]​

Emotional Erosion Tactics

  • Devaluation: Chronic criticism after idealization ("You're not as special as I thought").[talkspace]​

  • Name-Calling/Insults: Belittling your intelligence, appearance, or worth.charliehealth+1

  • Boundary Testing: Repeatedly violating limits to see what you'll tolerate.[reddit]​

  • Intermittent Reinforcement: Random "good" behavior to keep you hooked.[talkspace]​



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