Why we choose the partners we choose in life

 This explains why we choose the spouses/friends that we do

I've written about this in a previous post but generally speaking we tend to choose the people in closest proximity that have similar personalities to our parents or family.  This is because the traits they have seem familiar and we are more comfortable with them but when you have a toxic family like mine only one aunt choose outside her comfort zone and made the right choice because had she chosen like my mother or my other aunt, she would be with a grandiose narcissist just like my mother.  Due to my grandmother's traits, all of her daughters chose the same type of personalities like my father for example.  My youngest aunt was very fortunate in her ability to get away from her husband because this type tends to isolate and make them choose between them and their peers to further isolate them over time to instill their beliefs and values over time.   The same can be said about children choosing to live with someone that isn't even a family member.  They might choose to live with someone who is just like their father who complains about everyone around them failing to do their jobs just because they are familiar to them.  This might also explain how different races of people developed over a long period of time because people don't travel around the world to find a mate, they choose one that they are nearest to that has similar traits to the people they are around the most.  If my mother had chosen differently I wouldn't be the person I am today but having to deal with a narcissistic parent is a major struggle that I know many people must face.  All I have learned is to distance myself from them but when they intentionally ruin any ideas or things that I built and have worked for them for so long it's nothing short of a miracle that I turned out so much different than they are because in time being around a narcissistic spouse will eventually or if isolated more quickly just lead to the spouse who isn't a narcissist to develop narcissistic traits.  I pick up on other's traits or mannerisms when I'm around people more which is similar to mirroring, it's not intentional but just a thing that happens when your around people in my particular personality.  I tend to put other's needs ahead of my own, or used to, and used to just be submissive instead of confident and having low self esteem is just a product of having a narcissistic father who didn't validate any of my achievements thru life, and only cares about his own religious beliefs over everything else, which I have always thought his beliefs to be a selfish endevor because he thinks that he knows something that everyone else doesn't know, and thinks he is going to some higher level in heaven which is nothing that the bible teaches he is basically just making it up as he goes along.  Don't let these types of people force you to do what they want because they aren't open minded and hate hearing the truth that's what causes them to get defensive when you present them with the truth about them or a differing perspective from theirs.  Instead of learning from their mistakes they tend to keep on making the same ones over and over again.  If you can't admit your wrong then your mind is closed and if you can't tell someone what it would take to change your mind on a topic then your mind is closed on that as well.  Lastly, narcissist's are terrible at knowing when another narcissist is fooling them, they generally just inflate their target's ego before trying to convince them of something that they want. Also some of them will deny and lie no matter how much proof or evidence you show them, and are incapable of learning new things.